How do you build a working relationship with a new boss?

The short answer

Find out how your boss works and what they need, agree what you are each expecting, and then keep in touch in the way they prefer. In your first weeks, ask more than you tell.

Your relationship with your manager shapes your priorities, resources and feedback, whether the boss is new or you are new to a bigger role.

It is a relationship of mutual dependence

In a classic Harvard Business Review article, John Gabarro and John Kotter describe the relationship as mutual dependence. Your boss depends on you for cooperation, reliability and honesty. You depend on them for links to the rest of the organisation, for setting priorities and for resources. Seeing it this way changes the aim from pleasing someone to building a working partnership that suits you both.

Understand your boss

Gabarro and Kotter suggest understanding your boss’s goals and pressures, and their preferred ways of working. In practice, find out:

• What are they judged on? Their targets and their own boss’s expectations shape what they ask of you.
• How do they like to receive information? Written or spoken, early and rough or late and polished, short or detailed?
• How do they make decisions? Alone, after consulting, in meetings, or by email?
• What do they worry about? Surprises, cost, reputation, people issues?
• What are their strengths and gaps? Where can you help, and where can others?

You can ask directly. “How do you prefer to work with your direct reports?” is a reasonable question in a first conversation, and most bosses are glad to be asked.

Understand yourself

You also have preferences. Do you want regular direction, or space? Are you comfortable disagreeing in a meeting, or do you prefer to raise things in private? A mismatch between your style and your boss’s is not a failure, but it is worth naming.

Agree expectations in the first weeks

Early on, bring a short list to your boss and talk it through:

1. What the role must deliver. The one-page note from the first 90 days article is a good starting point.
2. Priorities. If everything is a priority, ask what you should do first, and what can wait.
3. How success will be judged. Which measures, and when you will review them.
4. Authority. What you can decide yourself, what you should discuss, and what needs sign-off.
5. Communication. How often you meet, and what you will tell them without being asked.

Write a few lines afterwards and send them to your boss (“My understanding from today is...”) so that both of you can correct anything that was misheard.

Keep the relationship working

• Regular one-to-ones. Fortnightly is a common rhythm. Bring an agenda, say what has changed, and ask for what you need.
• No surprises. Bring bad news early and with a proposal for what to do. Bosses can usually deal with a problem they hear about early.
• Make their job easier. Offer help and information they need; do not ask them to solve problems you could solve yourself.
• Disagree well. Raise concerns privately, with evidence and an alternative. Once a decision is made, support it.
• Ask for feedback. “What’s one thing I could do differently?” is easy to answer and shows you are open.

If it is not going well

If the relationship is difficult, start by checking your own assumptions and asking for a direct conversation about what is not working. If that does not help, take advice from HR or a trusted person outside your reporting line. If your boss’s behaviour amounts to bullying, discrimination or harassment, the Acas website explains your options and where to get help. A coach can help you prepare, but coaching is not a substitute for HR or legal advice.

If a difficult relationship is affecting your health, speak to your GP; in England you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies. Coaching is not therapy.

This article is general information, not HR, legal or medical advice.

Sources

• John J. Gabarro and John P. Kotter, Managing Your Boss (Harvard Business Review, 1980; republished 1993 and 2005). Accessed 2026-10-02.

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